- Aight, so some folks have asked what I mean by “anti-tactics”. So I will use this week to talk
a little about it. If you have heard this rap before I apologize. I am promise that you will be no
more annoyed reading it again then I am writing it. You people should have taken notes the
first time.
A little back story. Momma has been my friend since the dawn of time. Basically in the
beginning there was this thick, soul crushing evil that permeated all existence. Then,
through an act of divinity or happenstance, a great light shot from the sky and with it came
hope. That light was me, and the evil was Momma. Momma represents all the bad in the
world like: Warhammer Fantasy Battle, Creepy Babies, Cryx (Though admittedly I saw that
he was selling them off, something I am not, of yet, convinced isn’t another one of his
deceptions to lure the followers of light into a false sense of hope.), and delusions of
mecha. I on the other hand represent the good things in life like: Warhammer 40k, drunken
and disorderly conduct, illicit sex with multiple partners (Simultaneously if you can.), and an
overwhelming love and acceptance of my fellow man.
Since we stand for such differing fundamental truths we are often in conflict about whom,
and what, is right. It was one such time that brought this term, “anti-tactics” into being. Let
me preface this next statement by saying that talking tactics has, and always will be, for
fags. I promise I will see how your army works on the table, when it is working. Telling me
what you wanted to have happen that didn’t illicits the response, “Well you can wish in one
hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first.” This is not to say that there is no
need for feedback, but a turn by turn breakdown of the game I just played is like watching the
summary segment of an anime series on DVD, skip it, it just fucking happened. Having
been my friend for as long as he has, and knowing how I feel about this, Momma’s and my
conversations about games normally go like this:
Me: “Well that didn’t really work out.”
Momma: “Ya looked like it was a little rough there. I think you probably lost on that charge in
turn three.”
Me: “Ya think?”
Momma: “Yea.”
Me: “At’s cool it was a good game, I will have to work on some stuff.”
Of all the people guilty of talking tactics you WHFB fucks are the worst. I swear to god some
of you turn a perfectly legitimate question in the most pedantic, yammering, banal horse
shit. I actually stop reading threads, which is unheard of. Either way, I get that it is fun for
you, I do. Deke has explained it all. He has also explained the distinction between people
who are genuinely trying to help, and those who are so impotent in their real lives that they
have to let the world know what an uber general they are. For those of you who fall into the
latter I have this to say. Congrats you, you are awesome at playing with dolls. I am sure that
everyone you meet will be envious.
How quickly I digress. Anti-tactics are basically mechanics built into the rules of the game or
army that allow you to play within the spirit of the army and still have a chance at victory.
Thus, the mentally nonproficient can have a chance to win a game, even against a better
general.
My first example is Confrontation. When that game first came out I was arguably one of the
best players in our club because I played it all the time. I also played the Lions, and they
had crazy dirty tricks and combos that in retrospect were perhaps a little unfair. However I
still got rocked by Zex’s Gobbos and Day’s Kelts a few times because there were so god
damn many of them. The Gobbos and Kelts are “horde” armies. But unlike WHFB, these
Horde armies cannot be hit in the flank or ass, eliminating their numbers. Instead you had
to deal with a lot of them, and often.
Next I look to Warmachine. Cryx is the most underhanded, backstabbing fucks that have
ever plagued the face of Western Immoren. And ya know what, their army plays just like it. I
have oft heard that Warmachine is balanced based on the fact that everything goes. To that I
say, fucking “A”. I have seen Warmachine games turn on a dime. Even the best tactician
can forget to cover a Warcaster, watch an arc node, or pop a feat. Cryx’s rules facilitate
taking advantage of an enemy's weakness through deception, whereas Khador’s allow you
to create advantage by putting your snow encrusted ‘jack right up your opponent's ass. Both
these armies have things existing in their rules set that allow them to be played that way.
And yes, you can run them other ways, but you don’t have to win.
Lastly I go to good ole WH40K. A game that is often accused of having no tactics
whatsoever. To some extent I agree. Dice can make or break you here, which is a lot of the
appeal for me personally. However I would argue that Osman is an awesome tactician
within the genre. It doesn’t hurt that he can construct an army to beat the band, but he plays
really heads up, and I have seen him use everything in his army in a previously unused
fashion over the tenure of his 40K career. Badpeople can terrorize anyone in a 40k game
based of the fact that to him, “40K is just target selection.”
Sadly 40K is not guilty of everyone having a chance. Unfortunately I was a judge for a Rogue
Trader event where a player actually told another player after deployment that, “There is no
way you can beat me.”
And he was right.
So why are anti-tactics so important? Is it so that everyone feels like they have a chance? Is
it that TTG’s should be a sunshine happy land where flowers and rainbows magically
collide to create the ultimate exercise of fairness and nicety? No, I think most people know
how I feel about rating sportsmanship. The reason anti-tactics are important is because a
lot of us choose our armies based on the way that GW says they are and should play. We
use the flavor text and art work to perpetuate our own imaginations forward, enabling us to
create a group of figures that embody our own notions of fantasy. I am talking about High Elf
players who honestly believe that the beautific martial life style that their army embraces
provides a level of perfection that truly inspires respect and awe from the other races. I am
talking about players who really want an enormous horde of grunting, salivating, bellowing
green skins to inspire a sense of fear in their opponents on par with what every general, in
every story, within the army book feels, when viewing them. I am talking about the harsh
realization that occurs when you realize that WS 5 means fuck all, that your flanks mean your
huge numbers aren’t an issue, and that regardless of your awesome rolls, your opponents
army was going to beat you before you even set up. Lord H once said of his Tomb King’s
army, “I designed an army that would win 80% of the time, even if I rolled all 1’s.”
To me, that is fucked. Mad props to you Lord H for doing so. But I don’t want to play in a
game system where that is even possible. I don’t care if someone is a better general than
me, or about winning all the time. What I do care about is having a chance to see my army
perform like in the same fashion that drew me to its purchase, without handicapping
myself. And occasionally I could even overcome the better general.
Lord H also said once, “I think you can win with any army.”
Maybe so man, but could I? I know I can with other systems. I have seen and done it.
WHFB doesn’t have any spirit in the rules or fluff. I guess GW will just have to get my money
in 40K, where at least randomness can in some way provide a glimmer of hope.
I have said my piece, if you get it you do, and if you don’t you don’t. Either way, hit the forums
if you have any questions. As far as looking to pick a fight about anti-tactics, have at it. I am
sure that in your mind you can refute my arguments but I will still probably just think you are
rationalizing being a cocksucker. But then again it isn’t really for me right? It is to show
everyone else how much you know isn’t it? Also please refrain from saying that IRL the
better general wins. I don’t play these games for their proximity to real life. I don’t give a shit
about Waterloo because there were no ogres there. Gettysburg was a sweet address, but a
as far as a battle, eh, whatever, they had no plasma guns.
Well I am off to “fine tune” my Dark Angels list. Just have to cut a few more points so I can
give my Chaplain those coveted Mastercrafted Frag Grenades.
